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Author Topic: Joke Thread... Laugh till u pengssss  (Read 7446 times)
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« Reply #15 on: February 02, 2008, 11:39:03 AM »

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« Reply #16 on: February 02, 2008, 11:39:56 AM »

 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend : Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.


Father : Abraham Lincoln studied very hard at your age,
Son. That is why he could be a great person.
Son : Dad, but he became the President of the United States at your
age(52 years old)!


Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we don't need it.


Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.


Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colors do you have?


My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current
affairs.


Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.


Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David : You just send a telegram : Result declared, past year's performance repeated.


Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him,what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.


Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.


Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated.
The others all died.


Teacher : Can anybody give an example of "Coincidence"?
Student : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at
the same time.


Teacher : George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Student : Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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« Reply #17 on: February 02, 2008, 11:41:15 AM »

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =+

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, are all these kids

yours??

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, im confident. ur friend also my son, that's
confidential!

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we
should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly) : Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints...
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« Reply #18 on: February 02, 2008, 11:41:41 AM »

 Computer, A He or A She?

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender
association in the English language. He noted how hurricanes at one time
were given only female names, and how ships and planes were usually
referred to as "she." One of the students raised her hand and
asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The teacher wasn't certain. So he divided the class into two groups: males
in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer
should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four
reasons for their recommendations.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to as
masculine because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time,
they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a
little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be
referred to as feminine because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.
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Michael
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i SHOOT, therefore i PRINT


« Reply #19 on: February 02, 2008, 10:33:24 PM »

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absolute power corrupts absolutely. canon is powerful and corrupted my CF card.
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« Reply #20 on: February 02, 2008, 10:58:36 PM »

Computer, A He or A She?

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender
association in the English language. He noted how hurricanes at one time
were given only female names, and how ships and planes were usually
referred to as "she." One of the students raised her hand and
asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The teacher wasn't certain. So he divided the class into two groups: males
in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer
should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four
reasons for their recommendations.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to as
masculine because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time,
they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a
little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be
referred to as feminine because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Laugh till drop Laugh till drop Laugh till drop Laugh till drop Laugh till drop Laugh till drop Laugh till drop Laugh till drop
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« Reply #21 on: February 02, 2008, 11:27:01 PM »

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use
a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy
father
was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
"Well, I'm
off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good
morning,
Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."


"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've
been
expecting you."


"Have you really?" said the photographer.
"Well, that's good. Did you
know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have
a seat".


After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one
on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living
room
floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for
Harry
and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if
we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take
his time. I'd love to be
In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd
be disappointed with
that."


"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.


The photographer opened his briefcase and
pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures. "This was done on the top
of a bus," he said.


"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping
at her throat.


"And these twins turned out exceptionally well
- when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with."


"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.


"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her
to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around
four and five deep to get
a good look"


"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her
eyes wide with amazement.


"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more
than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I
had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on
my equipment, I just
had to pack it all in."


Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they
actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?"


"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're
ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."


"Tripod?"


"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest
my Canon on. It's much
too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted
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« Reply #22 on: February 03, 2008, 06:42:59 PM »

That was a good one.  Cheesy
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« Reply #23 on: February 05, 2008, 06:19:03 PM »

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« Reply #24 on: February 05, 2008, 06:19:23 PM »

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.  When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grandpa’s room.

“Grandpa, Grandpa,” he says excitedly, “as soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said his grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re going to Disneyland!!!”
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« Reply #25 on: February 06, 2008, 05:32:29 PM »

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.”

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry, Father. The ’smartest man in the world’ just took off with my back pack.”
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« Reply #26 on: February 08, 2008, 10:42:32 AM »

Law of Mechanical Repair         After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.
 
Law of the Workshop         Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
 
Law of Probability          The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
 
Law of the Telephone         If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
 
Law of the Alibi      If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
 
Variation Law       If you change lines (or traffic lanes) the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
 
Law of the Bath            When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
 
Law of Close Encounters         The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
 
Law of the Result         When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
 
Law of Biomechanics         The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
 
Law of the Theater         At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
 
Law of Coffee         As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
 
Murphy’s Law of Lockers         If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
 
Law of Rugs/Carpets         The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
 
Law of Location         No matter where you go, there you are.
 
Law of Logical Argument         Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
 
Brown’s Law        If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
 
Oliver’s Law         A closed mouth gathers no feet .
 
Wilson’s Law        As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (This one is true every time!)
 
Doctors’ Law       If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick..  (This one is also true every time.)
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« Reply #27 on: February 11, 2008, 10:27:14 AM »

Artist: Top Level 7 (equivalent to "Heaven" in Christian mythology)

This is the highest level.

An artist fixes his imagination in a tangible form called a photograph. He captures the spirit of place or person, real or imagined, in this photograph and the viewer responds to this.

An artist is a complete master of his tools. When creating art an artist transcends common existence as his spirit flies up to meet that which he is capturing. He may practice and learn his tools while he is not creating, however when creating the camera becomes an extension of his mind. No conscious thought is expended on the technical issues with which he is a virtuoso while creating photographs.

To make a musical analogy, a musician may woodshed his scales, but when he's jamming he's not even thinking about fingerings. He's lost in the passion of the moment.

Just like professional surfers who have a dozen boards or pro guitarists who have 23 axes, an artist may have a slew of cameras, each for a different purpose.

Likewise, other artists may only have one camera, or none at all. It just doesn't matter.

Artists sometimes dress funny and tend to stay up late. They usually prefer to photograph attractive young women and are proud of it.

No one ever sees their work since they have crummy ability to promote themselves, and sadly, usually don't even appreciate their own excellent work. Those that do drop down to Whore, which sadly and paradoxically means you will never see the work of a true artist unless you know one personally. Good artists are usually too embarrassed to show their work to anyone unless you are intimate with them, since their work is their soul.

Artists use any sort of camera, including pinholes and disposables, or 8 x 10s. They use whatever instrument they need to create what they want.

Whore: Level 6   


A whore is an artist who sells his soul by accepting money or drugs for his art.

By lowering himself to this level his vision is compromised.

Why? Because when one depends on selling one's soul to pay for one's food and pad one does not screw with the program, which means that one does not try new styles.

If a whore's work pays his bills after years of trying, it's unlikely any whore will be open to trying new styles while he still needs the dough.

Artists with representation (meaning they are represented by a gallery or an artists' representatives just as pimps do in the sex trade) may lose that representation if they change their style.

Therefore, art for sale from one person rarely gets better or different.

The style that sells is all a whore's johns and pimps (representatives) want to see. See Barnbaum's book on artistry. It is extraordinarily difficult for a successful whore to change styles once one has been accepted.

More about the whore class at level 10 here.

Amateur: Level 5   

People who earn less than half of their income from photography are amateurs. This has nothing to do with the quality of their photography.

This person loves to create photographs. Good amateurs of pure spirit can transcend the other levels directly to being an artist.

People who shoot weddings and etc. on weekends as a side line from their day jobs are still amateurs; they just charge for their photos. And as you read here they may also charge a lot for their snaps.

Amateurs who think that better cameras will improve their photos are at risk of descending to the lowest level of equipment measurbator. Too many amateurs have been misled by camera makers into thinking that they need good cameras for good images. This thought is poison to creating art.

Amateurs who lose themselves in creating great images are set for a path of enlightenment.

Being an amateur is a good thing; from this level one can rise to the level of artist rather easily.

Amateurs almost always shoot Canon SLRs.

Snapshooter: Level 4   

This is my mom and most people. These people want memories, as opposed to photographs or cameras.

Snapshooters who are graphic artists or otherwise visually literate people often make fantastic images that impress everyone. These snapshooters are artists and don't even realize it. They usually dress better than the artists who think they really are artists.

Believe it: it's the photographer who makes an image, not a camera.

Snapshooters use point-and-shoot and disposable cameras, which give the same excellent results as the Leicas, Nikons, Canons and Contaxes used by everyone else.

Professional: Level 3 


A professional photographer is a person who earns his entire living (100%) from the sale of photographs.

Professionals do not create art for a living; they create images for commerce. They usually have some familiarity with the tools and can get out decent images, however they may or may not be able to capture imagination.

Of course professionals may create great images, but that's on their own time.

Professionals spend very little time worrying about cameras, except when they need to get them repaired. They spend most of their time looking for work and pissing about how all the other photographers in town are dropping their prices.

Professionals spend more on film and lab fees each month than they spend on camera gear in a year.

There are no professional nature photographers. They all either have day jobs or make their wives support them.

Professionals shoot Nikon SLRs, Mamiya medium format and Calumet 4x5" cameras. They cannot afford gear as good as most serious amateurs.

Unless you are a commercial photography buyer or know one as a friend you have not heard of professional photographers. The ones you may have seen in camera ads proclaiming that they use this or that camera are just spokesmodels.

Professionals don't have websites and don't put out technical newsletters. Those people are usually amateurs.

Rich Amateur: Level 2 


These are amateurs who, by having too much money, buy lots of equipment which can fetter their freedom of expression. They are mostly men, and many are old or retired.

Rich amateurs shoot Leicas, Contaxes, Alpas, Hasselblads and Linhof 4x5s. These are great cameras, but the results are the same as the Zenits, Pentaxes, Bronicas and Tachiharas.

Today they mostly shoot Canon 1Ds-Mk IIs, 5Ds or Nikon D2X.

These are the same idiots who bought the first 2.7 Megapixel digital SLRs designed for newspapers like the Nikon D1 back in 2000 just because they cost $5,000. They gave technically poorer results than the film cameras used by snapshooters. All because it's expensive doesn't make it good.

Bad rich amateurs think fuzzy B/W images of poor people are art.

Some rich amateurs fall into the bottom spiritual level easily because they worry too much about equipment, others go straight on to create great art since they don't have any worries about equipment since they think they own the best. Oddly, few rich amateurs produce ordinary work. It either rules or sucks.

Equipment Measurbator: Bottom Level 1 (equivalent to "Hell" in Christian mythology)



These men (and they are all men) have no interest in art or photography because they have no souls. Lacking souls they cannot express imagination or feeling, which is why their images, if they ever bother to make any, suck.

These folks have analysis paralysis and never accomplish anything.

Does poring over a microscope analyzing test images have anything to do with photographing a Joshua tree at dawn? Of course not. Even worse, time wasted concentrating on tests is time not spent learning useful aspects of photography and certainly time that could have been better spent actually photographing. Test just enough to know what your gear can do, and then get on with real photography.

They are interested solely in equipment for its own sake. They will talk your ear off for hours if you let them, but as soon as you ask to see their portfolio their bravado scurries away, or they think you want to see their cameras or stocks. You can read why cameras simply don't matter here.

Most seem to come from technical avocations, like engineering, computers and sciences. These people worry so much about trying to put numerical ratings on things that they are completely oblivious to the fact that cameras or test charts have nothing to do with the spirit of an image. Because they worry so much about measuring camera performance we have dubbed them "Measurbators." Unfortunately, many of them wander into KenRockwell.com looking for information on camera performance.

Many of them also play with audio equipment, computers or automobiles. They enjoy these toys just like their cameras for their own sake, but rarely if ever actually use them for the intended purposes.

Younger ones play video games or engage in chat rooms and web surfing. Older ones join "camera" clubs. (You should join photography clubs, but never camera clubs or any clubs that try to score art, since art is entirely subjective and cannot be scored numerically.) Likewise, these people never create anything notable with any of this other gear either, but they sure get excited by just having, getting or talking to you about it.

The one type of gear these people ignore is the only type of gear that actually helps: lighting.

Someone with a decent portfolio is not an equipment measurbator. Someone with more cameras than decent photos just may be. People with websites teeming with technical articles but few interesting photographs probably are.

Do not under any circumstances deal with these people, talk to them, read their websites or especially ask them for photography advice. To the innocent they seem like founts of knowledge, however their sick, lifeless souls would love to drag you into their own personal Hells and have your spirit forever mired in worrying about how sharp your lens is. If you start worrying about this and you'll never photograph anything again except brick walls and test charts.

These people are easy to identify. If you've read this far you've probably seen their websites. They always have lots of info about equipment, but very few real photographs. Beware of any information from any website not loaded with photography you admire.

Other people have other words for these people. This article here adds some more perspective.

I had to pull most of the photos of equipment off my site because these people were spending more time looking at my equipment than my art! The bandwidth for which I pay was being eaten up by these idiots looking at my lenses, instead of looking at the photos in my gallery which is the whole point of this site. That's why all the stupid pages like this one are in yellow, so that their eyes hurt too much to waste too much time on the nuts and bolts.

Most people who waste my time e-mailing me with technical and equipment questions through this site unfortunately belong to this unenlightened bottom group. Almost anyone who actually worries about the level they occupy belong to the bottom. Many of these folks stalk the Internet, and spend hours getting off "contributing" to technical websites and photography chat rooms like Photo.net, www.dpreview.com and photocritique.net instead of making photos. The guys here aren't too bad, and most of the Leica people here are just equipment collectors.

Online Expert or Armchair Photographer: Level 0 (these guys don't take pictures so they aren't a level of photographer.)

This level never existed before the internet, because cameras were never as exciting as sports cars or missiles for men to research.

This became terrifyingly apparent one day when I got an email from someone who didn't think an example I posted of a sharp lens was sharp. I was confused, since it was exceptionally sharp, which is why I posted it. When I asked this reader "not sharp compared to what?," he replied that it wasn't as sharp as a different example of a different lens he saw posted on some other website.

Holy Crap! This was a guy who doesn't even own a camera! He spends his time researching them and spreading his irrelevant opinions all over the Internet!

The Internet is ablaze with these guys. Forums and chat rooms are loaded with them. Photographers don't have the time for forums. We have more photography to do than time to do it. See The Two Kinds of Photographers.

Photography was never cool enough before digital to attract men's attention for no particular reason. Personally, the muzzle velocity of a Barrett 50-calibre sniper rifle is far more interesting to me than the MTF of a digital camera I'll never use. If I worked in an office and could waste my employer's time researching personal hobbies on the Internet, I'd rather look at pornography than research other people's cameras.

This level has existed in the automotive marketspace forever, with young boys learning every possible performance specification of Corvettes and Ferraris. We boys start this more than 10 years before we can get a driver's license, much less be able to buy our own Ferraris.

Boys love to learn about cars, guns, motorcycles and anything technical. I know I sure do. We men never grow out of wanting to know everything about everything, and telling you so.

Just because any car nut can tell you every possible performance specification of a Ferrari doesn't mean he can drive. Most of these people live in places where they've never even seen a Ferrari, much less ever owned one themselves.

Today with digital photography, we now have the same lookie-loos researching digital camera specs just for the bizarre fun of it. Ignore them. They love to talk and research, but aren't photographers.
« Last Edit: February 11, 2008, 10:33:56 AM by boredphuck » Logged

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« Reply #28 on: February 12, 2008, 02:08:25 PM »

hahaha... that was Ken Rockwells famous 7 heriachys  Laugh till drop

ok more blonde jokes... or not???

So how blonde are you?
Wanna find out?
Complete this and you'll find out


1. [x} You have choked on water before.

2.
  • You have tripped down the stairs before.

3.
  • You have walked into a door.

4. [ ] You have pushed a door the wrong way.

5. [ ]You have walked into a wall.

6.
  • You have fallen going UP the stairs.

7.
  • You have jumped off something.

8.
  • You have been shocked

9.
  • You have put metal/aluminum in the microwave.

10.[ ] Right after a commercial comes on you forgot the show you were watching.

11.
  • You have forgotten something that someone said.

12. [ ] You barely never understand stuff / jokes, or it takes a long time to figure them out.

14. [ ] You have been bleeding and not even noticed it.

15.[ ]You've worn something backwards / inside out the whole day without knowing.

16. [ ] you have stuck a fork / knife in a toaster before.

17.
  • You have played with fire.

18. [] You've touched a flat iron / curling iron / straightener when it was on and didn't no it.

19.
  • You didn't even notice there wasn't a number 13 in this quiz

20. [x..lol] You just checked to see if there wasn't a number 13



So how blonde are u??

0% - 0/20 x's
5% - 1/20 x's
10% - 2/20 x's
15% - 3/20 x's
20% - 4/20 x's
25% - 5/20 x's
30% - 6/20 x's
35% - 7/20 x's
40% - 8/20 x's
45% - 9/20 x's
50% - 10/20 x's
55% - 11/20 x's
60% - 12/20 x's
65% - 13/20 x's
70% - 14/20 x's
75% - 15/20 x's
80% - 16/20 x's
85% - 17/20 x's
90% - 18/20 x's
95% - 19/20 x's
100%-20/20 x's


Repost this as: I am _100%___% blonde  Laugh till drop Neh Neh Laugh till drop
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Whatever turns you on... Grin
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« Reply #29 on: February 15, 2008, 02:32:55 PM »

No More Headaches
A man is having terrible headaches. He can't sleep, eat, think, or do much of anything because of the pain. Several doctors examined him and couldn't determine the cause of his problem. He finally went to one of the top neurological specialists in the country who examines him and says, "I've found the cause of the pain. Your testicles are pushing up into your spine. The constant pressureon the spine causes the headaches. The only thing I can do is perform surgery and remove your testicles."

The man is shocked to hear this but the decision is not difficult as he know he cannot stand the pain of the headaches. He has the surgery and immediately fells like a new man. The pain is completely gone and he feels like he has a new life. He is so happy he decides to buy himself a new suit. He goes to a small men's shop and tells the old tailor that he wants to buy a suit.

"Sure," says the tailor. "You're a 42 long, right?"

"Wow, how did you know?" says the man.

"Hey, I've been in this business a long time. You learn a few things" said the tailor."

The tailor brought the man a suit that fit perfectly. It looked so good that the man decided to buy a new shirt to go with it.

"16, 34, right?" said the tailor.

"Right again!" said the man. "You're amazing."

"Hey, I've been in this business a long time. You learn a few things".

The tailor brought a shirt and tie and they looked great. The man said, "Hey, let's go for broke. Give me a pair of the silk boxers too."

The tailor said, "36 right?"

"I'm disappointed," said the man. "But 2 out of 3 is still good. I wear size 34 boxers."

The tailor said, "Hey, I've been in this business for a long time and I think you need 36."

The man replied, "It's obvious you know your business but I've worn size 34 for as long as I can remember. I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one".

"Hey look," said the tailor, "I'll sell you whatever you want. But I've been in this business a long time. If you wear a size 34 it's gonna push your nuts up into your spine and give you terrible headaches."
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